


Rules

by Elemental_Empress



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cutting, Self-Discovery, Self-Harm, Starving, suicidal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:36:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9210314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elemental_Empress/pseuds/Elemental_Empress
Summary: Eren knew he was weak. Mikasa was stronger than him physically. Armin was stronger mentally. Goddamnit - he was a titan-shifter. He had all of this power and he was still this weak? Something had to change. He had to change.





	1. Chapter 1

Eren smiled half-heartedly as Petra locked him in his cell for the night. She quickly waved back, hesitating before leaving with the torch. Eren closed his eyes tightly against the darkness. He forced himself to open them, although their was no difference in what he could see. Blackness. Always just blackness. He focused on the rough blanket and scratchy sheets. Trying to calm his breathing.

His eyes narrowed. Weakling. Coward. Freak. He was supposed to be humanity’s hope, a new way to fight against the titans. And what, he was scared of the dark? Ha. Some savior he was. Eren knew he wasn’t the best soldier for the job. Mikasa was talented - she could have plugged up the hole in no time and probably defeated the armored titan while she was at it. Or Armin - he would have come up with a way to annihilate all the titans in one move without losing any lives. But Eren? He was a failure. He knew he was hot-headed. Irrational. Vengeful to the point where people thought he was suicidal.

Eren wasn’t strong either. Even Mikasa was stronger than him. How was he supposed to protect anyone when even his human sister was better than him? He had titan-shifting abilities for god’s sake - he should be better than everyone. But even with this huge advantage, he still sucked.

Eren evaluated himself. Let’s see. He was fat. Lazy. Stupid. Irrational. Ungrateful. Weak. Wimpy. A freak. A coward. A waste of space. He didn’t deserve to live - not when he was such a failure.

He strengthened his resolve - he wasn’t called the Suicidal Bastard for nothing. He would eat less - after all, the other soldiers worked much harder than him. Why should Eren get to eat food that they should get?

He would protect others, no matter how much pain it caused him. After all, he could heal quickly - his fellow soldiers could not.

Eren would train at night. He’d get over his stupid fear of the dark and practice at night. He did not deserve to rest - not when others pushed themselves to the brink and lost limbs and died while he simply reset back to normal after a few hours. Even if he was dead-tired, even if he had already pushed himself beyond the point of exhaustion, even if each one of his limbs were aching from practice, he would train. How would he be able to protect Captain Levi or Armin or Mikasa or even that stupid horse-face Jean?

The most important thing Eren needed to do was to not let anyone know. He knew that if Armin or Mikasa found out, there would be hell to pay, and they would worry about him needlessly, and possibly get so distracted that a titan would eat them. No, it was better to work hard in secret. It’s not like Eren was going to become someone different. People already thought he was strong and brave and smart and other things he clearly was not. All he had to do was actually become that person.

Starting from tonight. He inched out of bed, afraid to touch the floor in the dark. He steeled his nerves, and placed his feet on the floor. All he could feel was cold, rough stone digging into his feet. He got onto the ground hesitantly, feeling around. It was just the floor. Nothing weird or unknown, just a regular stone floor. He straightened his spine and began to do some pushups. One. Two. Three.


	2. Chapter 2

When Petra came to unlock the cell the next morning, she found Eren furiously doing sit-ups. 

“Eren?” 

Eren’s eyes snapped open and he looked at Petra, fear flashing through his eyes for a moment before it was replaced with a hesitant smile. “Petra! Why are you here so late at night?” 

Petra’s brow furrowed. “Eren. It’s the morning. Captain Levi told me to lead you to the showers so you could get ready for some experiments with Squad Leader Hanji.” 

“Oh! Yeah of course. Sorry about that.” Even awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. “I woke up a half hour ago and I couldn’t go back to sleep. It’s so dark in here I thought it was still the middle of the night.” 

Petra eyed him warily. “Oh. Well, alright then. There’s some clothes waiting for you in the shower, along with a towel and some soap. We should get going.” 

Eren got up and started walking, gritting his teeth and hiding the pain and soreness in this muscles. He had trained all night, working every muscle until it screamed for him to stop. Of course, he kept pushing himself even after that point. After all, he was a failure. Complaining about a little pain? He should welcome it. There were so many soldiers who would never feel like pain like this again, having being brutally eaten by Titans. He should feel lucky. 

\+ + + + + 

After a quick shower with cold water (which did not help his aching body), Petra led him to the mess hall. He followed her over to the a table where Auro, Gunther, Eld, Corporal Levi, and Squad Leader Hanji were already seated. 

“Oi! Greenhorn. We saved you some grub, you better be thankful."

Eren nodded meekly and took a seat at the edge of the rough table, where Gunther silently slid over a bowl of warm porridge. Just before he was about to dig in, he remembered the rules he had set for himself yesterday. 

Eren tried to figure out a way to leave the food for others. It turned out to be surprisingly easy. Squad Leader Hanji was loud and boisterous and moved around a lot, so he simply swapped his full bowl for an empty one laying on the side. He made sure to mime eating and swallowing a few times in case anyone was watching him. 

“Oi brat. You done yet?” Corporal Levi leveled his steely gaze at him, and Eren became a bit nervous.

“Y-yes.” As an afterthought, he added, “Thank you for the meal.” 

The Corporal looked at him curiously, before sighing and straightening in his seat. “It’s the brat’s first day, so shitty Four Eyes, no experiments on him for today. You can start tomorrow. Petra and Olou, work on your 3DMG skills - Petra, your turns are not controlled enough and Olou, you need to stop trying to spin when you fight. You can’t do it. Perfect your blade-handling before you try spinning. Eld and Gunther - you both are with me. Today we’ll assess the brat’s 3DMG skills and physical state. Dismissed.” 

Eren stood up nervously, wondering who to follow, since Eld and Gunther had immediately left through a corridor. 

“Brat.”  
Eren jumped before spinning around and looking at the Corporal. “Yes Heichou?” 

“Follow me.” He immediately strode out of the room with Eren following close behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a day late with the update and that the chapter isn't that long. My great grandmother fell a few days earlier and it's pretty touch and go right now. But I'm powering through and writing faster, so hopefully I've another (much longer) chapter out on Monday!
> 
> And thank you so much for the comments and kudos! I really appreciate it.


	3. Chapter 3

Eren dismounted from his horse, looking around at the forest. 

“Follow me brat. Tch. Fucking big ass trees.” 

Their footsteps and the faint clanking of their gear was the only thing that broke the oppressive silence. The forest seemed to muffle noise, swallow up the outside world and transport them to some foreign land, somewhere peaceful and quiet and serene. 

But as Eren followed Corporal Levi, he looked around at the trees in awe. They were a sight to behold - they towered far above them, taller than the walls. Their trunks were wider than five people side by side, and their gnarly roots rose from the ground. The light filtered down through the softly swaying leaves. As Eren looked on, Corporal Levi was occasionally bathed in golden light as they walked through the natural palace. 

“Here.” They had stopped seemingly randomly, but this was Corporal Levi - there was always a point. 

“You’ll be going through the normal trainee course, but on a slightly high difficulty level. There will be more titans, and Gunther and Eld will try distracting you. Being able to turn into a titan is no excuse to slack off. Now go to the top of that big ass tree over there and head north. I’ll be waiting for you at the end.” With those words, Corporal Levi flew off, his cape flowing in the wind as he sliced through the air. Eren huffed, slightly jealous. The Corporal flew through the air like it was easy as breathing. He moved in intricate swirls and dizzying spirals. Eren crashed through the air with sheer will alone. 

He made his way up the tree and started zipping through the canopy, avoiding small branches and sometimes scaring small birds here and there. 

He anxiously awaited the first titan, but nothing showed up. Maybe he was going in the wrong direction? He was about to stop and use the sun to figure out where he was when suddenly a titan appeared right under his feet. Not a wooden one, a real one. It’s ugly face was wide and gaping. Eren turned in midair and went straight for the nape. He used the strength in his arms and winced as they jolted, his sockets screaming in protest. He had always had trouble building up momentum (unlike Corporal Levi, whose spinning cuts had devastating power). He hung in midair for a moment. Eren was high enough that he didn’t have to worry about suddenly being grabbed, so he took a moment to observe his surroundings. 

A faint rustle sounded in front of him, and he quickly retreated even higher. He prepared himself for another titan, and was briefly frozen when three more class titans showed up. His eyes narrowed and the familiar sense of rage began to overtake him. 

\+ + + + + 

It felt like hours had passed, but realistically it was probably only a few minutes. 

Eren was breathing heavily, covered in titan blood, surrounded by steaming skeletons. He dropped to his knees, exhausted. Staying up all night training and skipping breakfast was finally taking its toll. After a few more minutes, he forced himself to his knees, gritting his teeth against the biting soreness of his arms and legs. 

What was he, some sort of weakling? Four titans was nothing. Mikasa could have taken them out in under a minute without breaking a sweat. And here he was, panting like a goddamn dog. What kind of soldier was he if he could not even accomplish this much? 

Squinting through the sunlight, Eren launched himself off. The breeze felt wonderful against his sweaty body as he zipped through the trees and finally found the wooden titan forms. His reactions were slower than usual, and several times Gunther and Erd’s tendency to reveal the practice titans at the last moment got the better of him, and his legs painfully clipped the wood more than once. By the time he reached the end of the course, he was sporting bruises everywhere. Every breath felt like sandpaper. Every step sent needles of pain through his foot. Every swing of his arms felt like he was holding boulders. 

As he approached Corporal Levi, Eren grew more and more nervous. Erd and Gunther had already zipped over and reported to the Corporal. Eren stopped in front of the Corporal and saluted. 

“Sir!”

He grew more fearful as Corporal Levi’s eyes narrowed. 

“What took you so long? What, had to take a shit? Tch. You’re a fucking sorry excuse for a soldier, I’ll have to amp up your training regimen brat.”

With those words, he left. Eren stared at his retreating figure, composing himself, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his teeth to keep the tears from falling. 

“Report to the barracks. Since you wasted so much of my time, I’ll return the favor. There’s a toothbrush and bathroom just waiting with your name on it.”

Eren dug his fingernails into his palms, creating crescent half moons and nearly breaking the skin as he struggled not to cry, to break down, to scream out to the world how sorry he was that he wasn’t good enough as a soldier, a son, a brother. 

“Yes sir.” 

“Oh, one other thing. Since you’re one of the worst soldiers I’ve ever seen, do an extra 15 laps before and after training every day. And every day after dinner, I expect you to clean up the kitchen and dining hall. It’ll remind you of how much lower you are than everyone else. Understood?” 

Eren’s fingernails broke the skin of his hand.

“Understood.” 

The blood began to run over his palms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I've finalized the plot some more, and have made it a goal to post more often.

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen lots of really good and really uplifting Attack on Titan fanfics, but I wanted to do something a bit more realistic and dark. I debated writing this for a really long time, but let me know what you guys think?
> 
> Update :   
> College portfolios will be all done this Sunday, but I plan to update this Friday. I'll write in advance so I can post maybe even twice or three times a week hopefully! :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading.


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